Almost everyone has a family story or two that comes up during the holidays or other family gatherings that bring tears of laughter, joy or sorrow to everyone’s eyes when they’re told. As a nation of immigrants, it could be a generation’s old story of a grandparent or other ancestor who made the trip to the New World for opportunities or refuge from their native land. Or, it’s that time when your cousin fell asleep in his own birthday cake while the family was singing Happy Birthday! The specifics don’t matter so much to others as the stories matter to you and your family. As it’s National Family Heritage Month and Family Stories Month, this is the time of year to talk to your family members who have stories and to get them to tell them. Here are a few ways you can engage in your own family heritage and learn about your family stories around this holiday season.
Questions to Ask Older Family Members | Family Stories
The older you get, the more you have experienced in life. That’s a matter of fact. However, it’s frequently observed that older family members are distanced further and further in American society. Now is the time to snap back into the treasure trove of stories that older family member’s contain. They have details about events that they may not even realize you don’t know, or that they know but no one ever asked them. Here are nine questions you can ask older family members that will unearth a little piece of your storied family and its heritage:
- What was it like growing up?
- What made you move to [insert where they raised their children]?
- How did you like being a [insert their profession/career, including homemakers]? (You’ll be surprised at what you learn and what stories they can tell you when you ask this question!)
- Who is the oldest family member you remember? And, what do you remember about him or her?
- What is your favorite [insert anything here…musician, meal, book, car, etc.]?
- How did you meet your wife/husband?
- What is one circumstance in life that happened that you’d like to do over again, and why? (Beware: this could be a long and emotional story. Very traumatic and ecstatic stories are the ones we best bond over, though, so they’re worthwhile.)
- What is the most valuable lesson you learned in life? Where, when did you learn it?
- What is your favorite family activity, either growing up, in adulthood, or now?
- What do you know of our ancestors and any interesting stories of our family?
- What do you remember of historical events (such as the end of WWII? Pearl Harbor attack? Kennedy’s assassination? First American to the Moon? Space Shuttle Challenger explosion? Or 9/11?)?
Ask Your Parents First About Your Heritage | Family Stories
It depends on how interested your parents are in their family history, but either way, most parents know some of your family heritage. It’s up to you to extract that knowledge for the next generation. Legends and rumors abound in family heritage, so you need to do some sleuthing to get all the details as accurate as you can.
It’s recommended that you start by asking your parents about your heritage. Let them know you’re interested in your family heritage and you’ll then be seeking out other family members to “fill in the blanks.” This helps keep mom and dad honest, because they know you’ll be fact-checking them. Then, corroborate the stories you hear by asking, if possible, your siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
Remember, memory is fallible. We all remember a different version of our personal narrative. We conflate details, mistake days for years, and swap people out by accident. So, asking your parents first and then getting supporting facts really helps to get a whole, more accurate picture.
Tell Your Story, Ask for a Story
Everyone has a story. For that matter, everyone has many stories. But, those that are indelible and transport you back in time to those personal events in your life are the stories that matter. And, they are the stories you should tell.
There’s nothing more important that creating meaning in your life and the life of others. Stories are the ways that humans create meaning between each other. Personal history writing, or memoir, is an important tool for creating personal family stories in a way that can be conveyed for generations. Don’t get too caught up in the particulars of format and grammar and syntax, just write to your heart’s content. You can always edit later, then share it with a few close family members.
Ask them to tell their version of the story. Ask them to add their chapter to the story in a way that brings their perspective and details that you may not have witnessed. Then, ask them to ask a family member to add theirs. This pyramid scheme can birth an entire family history all spurred on by one family member asking another family member about just one story. You’d be surprised at where the story goes, and ends!
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Have you learned something truly amazing by asking your family about their stories? Have you told your family a story, say, about your youth, that they then had a different remembrance of? What family stories would you like to know?